


Look Up to the Skies and See, You're Everything to Me

by dusuessekartoffel



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: F/F, Kinda, open your eyes spinoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25431304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dusuessekartoffel/pseuds/dusuessekartoffel
Summary: Sara had her life all planned out. Wait for Matteo to defeat the Humdrum, eventually marry him and lead a normal, boring life away from all the excitement of her teenage years. But life has other plans. They involve a lot less Matteo and a lot more Leonie.One-shot taking place in the Open Your Eyes universe from Sara's point of view.
Relationships: Sara Adamczyk & Matteo Florenzi, Sara Adamczyk/Leonie Richter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	Look Up to the Skies and See, You're Everything to Me

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's been a while, huh? I'm really, really sorry that Open Your Eyes hasn't updated in so long but I'm still struggling with chapter 8. (The current plan is uploading it on the weekend, but you know, no promises.) It WILL come back and it will come back soon, that I can promise you. 
> 
> Anyway, I was overcome with the desperate urge to write wlw so here is a little one-shot taking place during the first half of the fic about Sara and Leonie. I wanted to publish this weeks ago and then, uh, I didn’t. But now it’s here! 
> 
> You don't need to have read Open Your Eyes to read this but it may spoiler you a little (there's one scene that's in there too). 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

**Look Up to the Skies and See, You’re Everything to Me**

Dating Matteo Florenzi is a whole lot more boring than you’d think it was. Mostly, it involves a lot of waiting for him. Waiting until he’s fought another monster, until he’s defeated the Humdrum, until he’s ready. Waiting until everything is over and our life together can finally begin. Something like that.

Leonie thinks I should break up with him. She thinks I’d be happier if I did. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I _should_ break up with him. But Leonie doesn’t get it. Nobody gets it. Staying with Matteo, for better or for worse, is safe. It means I have a future. A clear future. A life.

My family wasn’t a big fan of me dating him at first. They were scared it was going to get dangerous, dating the Chosen One. Being sucked into fights and wars that I didn’t belong to. But recently, they’re happier about it. Now that my father has lost his position in the Old Families’ council and we’re just a family that has fallen from grace. Now Matteo suddenly means the possibility to gain more social standing.

I don’t tell Matteo what’s happened when I see him again after summer. Part of me wishes he’d ask but another part of me is so glad that I just get to pretend that everything’s okay. I don’t tell Leonie either, even though she asks a lot more adamantly about it. I don’t know if I’m glad or sad that she notices I’m not doing well. That _someone_ notices. (That’s not true. It does matter to me that it’s Leonie and not just anyone.)

Matteo certainly doesn’t notice. Instead, he’s more distant than ever and more obsessed with David than I’ve ever seen him. (I’ve never seen anyone this obsessed with someone else. He thinks David is the antichrist.) And yet, Matteo keeps dragging me to his football games. He’s always there early, full of anticipation and excitement. He loves those games. I don’t even really get why. Football is pretty boring, if you ask me. But of course, I’ve attended the games ever since Leonie got into the team. I’m pretty well versed in football rules and trivia by now.

I think Matteo genuinely likes football. He’s always watching the games with so much attention, making sure he follows everything. I just focus on Leonie. Leonie on the field is beautiful. She’s fire. Too many people at this school are obsessed with David and how well he apparently plays football, but to me, Leonie has always stuck out more.

Not that Leonie would agree on that. I think she’s into David. I get it. He’s really handsome. Definitely in the top five good-looking guys at Watford. And he has that distant, unreachable air to him. I get why Leonie would have a little crush on him. I just really, really hope it doesn’t develop into anything.

He’s a bad influence on her. It’s probably all the dark magic rituals he has to conduct with his family every summer. And he’s just so plain rude sometimes. Maybe I’ve simply spent too much time listening to Matteo elaborate on why David is evil and how we should avoid him. But there’s something about seeing Leonie talking to him or looking at him or telling me about how well he played at football practice. I don’t like it one bit.

But I’m not really one to talk about bad influences. Matteo isn’t the greatest boyfriend. He has a tendency to avoid me sometimes, or just straight up ignore me. He’s not very good at compliments or paying attention, either. But before summer, I thought he at least tried. He’d ask me to hang out sometimes and actually have conversations with me. He even got me flowers one time, though I think he only did that because Leonie secretly threatened him. (She denies it.)

Now, he’s more distant than ever. He barely spends time with me anymore, too preoccupied with running after David and trying to figure out what evil plans he’s coming up with. Too preoccupied with the Humdrum. (I know I shouldn’t be hurt about that. It’s the Humdrum. It’s important. It’s certainly more important than me.) Really, it’s understandable that he doesn’t have much time for me.

Leonie disagrees. She can’t stand Matteo. I could swear it wasn’t as bad earlier, before we started dating. But ever since then, she’s impossible. Sometimes, it’s nice to have her stick up for me. But sometimes, it drives me insane. I don’t know how but something’s got to give at some point.

…

It happens a few weeks later.

She bites her anger down when she sees him for the first time after break and also when he walks out on us during lunch and when he forgets a date we had planned. But somehow, it’s when he brushes me off after class one time and goes to smoke with Jonas that everything goes to hell.

“He’s an arsehole,” Leonie murmurs.

“He’s also my boyfriend,” I remind her. I can feel myself get irritated already. At her constant side remarks, making me feel bad about being with Matteo. Making me feel like I’m making a mistake.

“Who you should break up with,” Leonie adds.

“Which is my own decision,” I remind her. We’ve had a version of this conversation a thousand times. Especially since summer. Matteo is more distant than ever and it irritates Leonie more than ever. Sometimes, I think I’ll go crazy with the two of them. Some days, I’m sure I’ll have to choose one of them at some point. (I’d always choose Leonie.)

“You don’t even _like_ him, Sara!” Leonie rolls her eyes. I hate it when she does this. 

“Of course I like him!” I’m not lying. I do. “He’s a good guy, Leonie.”

She shakes her head. “Yeah, a good guy who doesn’t pay any attention to you and clearly just uses you.”

“You know what? I’m really tired of you telling me this over and over. You say you want me to be happy but you’re really not helping that, you know? You just make me feel like shit.” It feels like this has been building up for weeks. And now it’s finally getting out.

Leonie looks like I’ve slapped her. “ _I_ make you feel like shit? I just want you to be with someone who deserves you. I’m just looking out for you because I …” She stops there.

“Because you what?” I ask her.

She shakes her head again. “Forget it,” she murmurs. “If you want to date the wanker, do it.”

I want to scream at her, tell her that it’s my decision, that he’s not that shitty of a boyfriend, but I’ve told her that so many times already. And I don’t want to fight, not really. I hate fighting with Leonie.

Besides, I’m pretty sure something else is going on here.

“What is the real problem?” I ask her.

Leonie avoids my eyes. “Nothing.” I should probably apologise for saying she makes me feel bad. It’s not even true. I’m just angry at her. But I don’t.

Instead, I do what I learned from Matteo and I snort, “Yeah, right.” She’s still avoiding looking at me so we sit in silence for a bit. It’s not the nice kind of silence. It’s the one that presses down on you, makes you feel like you can barely breathe with all the unspoken things in the room.

I’m trying not to give in to it but eventually, I snap. “Would you please just tell me what is going on?”

Leonie shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

She finally looks at me, with desperation in her eyes and another feeling that I can’t decipher. It happens very rarely that I don’t know what Leonie is thinking.

“It’s just that I … I hate … I _hate_ seeing you with Matteo,” she begins.

“Because I deserve better?” Sometimes, it feels like we’re only ever having the same conversation, again and again and again.

She shakes her head. “ _Yes._ But that’s not … I mean, that’s part of it, but …” she trails off again.

“What?” I ask her softly.

Leonie looks away. She huffs, frustrated. “You just don’t get it,” she says.

“What? What do I not get?” I ask her.

She shakes her head, a frustrated sigh coming out of her mouth, but she’s finally looking at me again. I still can’t decipher the look in her eyes at all. And yet, it feels like she’s laying it all open, letting me see everything. I can’t stop staring at her.

The last thing I expect is for her to kiss me. I’m taken aback at first. By her smell and how soft her skin feels and how _nice_ all of this is. How much I like this.

Before I fully understand what is happening, she pulls away again, her eyes wide in shock. When she starts spluttering out, “I’m so sorry, I … I shouldn’t have done that, I’m _so_ sorry …”, I’m the one who kisses her again. And it’s so _good_. I didn’t know I could feel like this. I didn’t know anyone could make me feel like this.

…

And then it’s over and I’m sitting in my mum’s car and driving home for Christmas. Leonie and I don’t talk much during break, neither of us knowing where to pick up from after what happened. When Matteo forgets to get me anything for Christmas, Leonie gets angry at him as usual. When we talk about it, we fight, and Leonie tells me to break up with Matteo and I tell her it’s my business and not hers. Same old roundabout.

Except that Leonie is angrier at me than she was before break. And I know why she’s angry. Of course I do. She has every right to be angry.

And she’s _right_. Matteo and I don’t work. We never did. He treats me like crap and I’m honestly not much better. It wasn’t true, what I told her. That she’s the one who makes me feel like shit. It’s all in my own head. It’s me who doesn’t know how to deal with my feelings. With the fact that I …

I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know what I’m feeling. But there may be a way of finding out. I’ve always wanted to try this. It sounds so romantic, getting clarity about your feelings through a spell. So I hold out my armband and cast it. 

It’s my favourite spell. I’ve only cast it once, ages ago. When I was fifteen and had a hopeless crush on Sam, who was a year above us at school. It only half worked then. There were flowers but only few and they looked on the verge of wilting. It doesn’t work well if you’re not properly in love.

But now, I’m surrounded by blooming violets. I didn’t know I could do something like that. I didn’t know my feelings could. Or that I even had this many feelings. Such beautiful feelings.

I know I’m not in love with Matteo, though. I don’t think I have been for a long time.

Leonie smells like violets.

I find her in our room. She’s lying on her bed but when I come in, she sits up and looks at me expectantly. I can’t not take this moment to talk with her. So I sit down next to her.

“I’m sorry. For the past few days and how I acted and …” I begin. I have no plan for this. “I mean, when we …” I can’t even say it. It’s right there, _when we kissed_ , and I can’t say it. Because I’m scared of what will happen if I do. “I’m sorry I just ignored that and that we never talked about it and …”

“It’s fine,” Leonie says. “What happened before Christmas … we’ll just forget about it.”

I don’t want to forget about it. That’s what I want to tell her. But I don’t, because I’m scared and everything is a mess and I don’t even know what she wants.

“And you and Matteo … that’s not my thing to worry about,” Leonie continues. “You’re more than capable of knowing what you want yourself.”

I could end the conversation there. I could just talk to her about something else, about school or football or maybe finally tell her about my dad. But I can’t. It feels like I’m so close, finally. To what I want.

“I don’t know what I want,” I tell her.

Leonie looks at me, surprise in her eyes. “What do you mean?”

I sigh. “I don’t know … it’s stupid, but … I’m not sure being with Matteo is what I want.”

Leonie narrows her eyes at me. “We just had a fight over how that’s your thing and I shouldn’t say anything on that.”

“And it _is_ my thing. I’m just not sure it’s what I want.” I shrug. “Do _you_ know what you want?”

“You’ve never asked me that before.”

“Well, I’m asking now.”

Leonie closes her eyes, like she doesn’t want to look at me. Like she doesn’t dare to.

“You know what I want,” she says. I do. I’ve known ever since she kissed me. Maybe even before that.

“I think that’s what I want to,” I tell her. She doesn’t react at first. Just stays how she is, with her eyes closed and her head turned away from me.

I don’t know who moves first. Maybe it’s her or maybe it’s me or maybe we move simultaneously, like a highly complicated choreography that we never even practiced but where we meet exactly in the middle.

It’s so different from kissing Matteo. Kissing Matteo always feels like he’s just doing it because he has to. Because it’s expected from him. This feels like being kissed by someone who wants to kiss me. This feels like _I_ want it.

…

I’m trying not to think about the fact that I technically still have a boyfriend. I’m trying not to think about the fact that I have no idea what this will look like in reality, once this bubble we’ve been hiding away in inevitably bursts. I’m trying not to think about what this means for me, for who I am. I’m trying not to think.

It’s not going well. Especially not when Leonie and I are talking about the first time we met and she says, “Do you think the Crucible knew. That it was drawing two lesbians together?” Just like that, casually.

“I’m not a lesbian,” I clarify. Leonie looks at me.

“You don’t need to be. Sorry, that was stupid,” she apologises.

“No, it’s okay. I’m just saying, I’m not.” I shake my head. “I mean, I didn’t even know I liked girls until …” I can feel my cheeks heat up.

Leonie grins at me.

“Are you?” I ask her then.

“What?” She’s looking at me again.

“A lesbian.” Leonie smiles.

“Yeah,” she says.

“And you just know that?” I wonder what that feels like.

Leonie’s answer is so quick, so certain. “I’ve known for a while, yes.”

I wish I just knew. I wish I could say with absolute certainty that I’m a lesbian. Or bi. Or anything else. I don’t even know what I could be. This is such a new world to me.

“It’s okay,” Leonie says quietly. “You have time to figure it out.” She laces her fingers with mine.

“What about Jonas?” I ask.

She sighs. “Jonas knows.”

“How did he take it?” I wonder when she told him.

“Not bad, I think. It’s not like he was in love with me anymore anyway.” She snorts. “He’s been making heart eyes at Hanna for months now.”

We used to be friends with Hanna, back when we first came to Watford. Then, Leonie and Hanna were both into Jonas. I never understood why Jonas got together with Leonie when he and Hanna got along so much better.

“You were so angry at her back then.” It was horrible. One day we were best friends with Hanna and then we weren’t.

Leonie smiles a little sadly. “I don’t think I was angry at her, not really. I just projected all my feelings on Jonas because I didn’t want to admit to myself that who I really liked was Hanna.”

It makes so much sense, now. How weird Leonie got back then. She didn’t want to talk to Hanna anymore when she found out that Hanna liked Jonas.

I turn towards Leonie and kiss her slowly. We stay like that for a while, lying on the floor of our room, an entangled mess. Talking and kissing and just _being_.

“I thought you were into David,” I tell her at one point.

Leonie turns to me with wide eyes. “David?”

“Yeah. You get along so well with him and you’re always talking about how good football practice with him is. I was worried for you. He’s shady.”

“Yeah, because _we’re on the team together_.” Leonie gives me an affronted look. “I could never be into David, and not just because I’m a lesbian. That guy is a disaster.”

“I thought you liked him.” She’s starting to confuse me.

“I love him. He’s just a mess.” She grins. “Besides, he’s hopelessly in love anyway.”

“What? Stone-cold David? With who?” Leonie shakes her head. She moves her hands across her lips, as if to seal them and throws the imaginary key away.

“No, come on, you can tell me.” I try to look as cute as I possibly can.

Leonie keeps shaking her head. “I really can’t. I don’t betray my friends.”

“Please?” I bat my eyelids at her but she just laughs at me.

“No.” She tries to kiss me but I swerve away, acting like I’m offended at her not telling me.

“That’s just mean,” I accuse her.

“Maybe I’ve spent too much time with David then,” Leonie laughs. “I can’t believe you were worried about that. You really spend too much time listening to Matteo’s conspiracy theories.”

The light-hearted atmosphere is gone now. It’s like we had an unspoken agreement not to mention Matteo and now Leonie has broken it and so is the spell that has surrounded us the past days.

“I should break up with Matteo,” I say. I really should. I’m a terrible girlfriend. I’ve spent all this time being happy with Leonie when I’m still technically in a relationship. Not that Matteo will mind much, I don’t think. He’ll just be glad I’ve finally broken up with him.

…

I don’t have to wait for long until, by a wink of fate, the perfect opportunity to break up presents itself. There’s a bang and immediately, I can hear Leonie angrily shout at whoever threw a snowball against our window. When I lean out, I’m not surprised to see Matteo there.

“It’s fine, don’t listen to Leonie,” I shout down, rolling my eyes at my roommate. (Best friend. Girlfriend? The girl I’m in love with.) “What did you want?”

“Can we talk?” Matteo asks. A shiver goes through me at those words. This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. A moment alone, with no distractions. A moment to tell him everything. I didn’t even have to go to him. For once in this fucked up relationship he’s the one coming to me.

“Sure, I’ll come down,” I smile at him, desperately trying to cover up the nervousness.

Leonie stares at me. “Are you going to tell him?” she asks quietly.

I nod. She has to see the nervousness reeking off me because she takes my hand and squeezes it.

“It’ll be alright,” she says softly. I want to pull her into me, hug her or kiss her or do anything, to remind myself of how happy she makes me. To give me some courage. But I don’t. I can’t, right now, when my still-boyfriend is waiting downstairs.

Leonie doesn’t move either, just nods at me and gives me a tiny smile. Then, she hands me my winter coat.

“Good luck,” she says.

I have to turn around and hurry down the stairs before I do or say anything stupid. Before I just stay up here, too afraid to face Matteo and the truth.

“Should we take a walk?” I suggest, desperately trying to push telling him further away, even if just by a few minutes. He nods. He looks more pensive than I’m used to from him. He’s the one who came to me, I guess. He has something to tell me too. But I need to do this first.

Thinking of Leonie and how much I like being with her and how this is the only way to make a future with her, I say, “I need to tell you something.”

Matteo gives me a surprised look. “Sure. What is it?” He has no idea. He has well and truly no idea. He doesn’t even seem to care, really. When does he ever? (That’s a bit unfair. I know he cares. He’s just so bad at showing it and so good at caring about everyone but me.)

I take a deep breath. “I …” I begin. Another breath. And then, because it feels like the words are pushing to come out, just like that, “I kissed Leonie.”

I’m too scared to look at Matteo. I expect him to be angry or confused or maybe even relieved. But all he says is, “Why?”

What an idiot.

“Because I wanted to,” I explain. It’s the truth. I wanted to kiss Leonie and so I did, despite the fact that I’m not a lesbian and I have a boyfriend who, until recently, I thought I was in love with.

“So you’re gay?” Matteo asks. Just straight up, no tact or much thought. Like he always does.

“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. I want to explain it to him, explain how I feel and how it’s confusing. How being with Leonie feels so right that I don’t really care. But I don’t think he’d get it. I think he’s always known.

“I just know …” I laugh a little, amazed at how simple it all seems all of a sudden. “I just know I like Leonie. _Really_ like her. Isn’t that enough?”

Matteo gives me one of his classic shrugs. And then, the last thing I expected him to say, “I’m gay.”

I was so scared of those words for so long. I desperately wanted him to like me, to love me even, all the while bracing myself for this. I noticed. Of course I noticed. All the secret looks at Jonas, how he disliked Leonie from the moment he realised something was starting between her and Jonas. His stupid obsession with David. (There were times when he wouldn’t talk about anything else for days.)

Maybe I would have been angry, if the situation was different. For lying to me for so long, using me as a shield because he was so afraid. But I understand him now. More than I thought I ever would. 

“I know,” I smile at him.

He looks taken aback. “You do?”, with so much surprise in his voice. You’re really not as subtle as you think you are, Matteo.

“Yes. I’ve known for a while. I just … well. I didn’t want to see it at first, I guess. Because I liked you and I liked being in a relationship with you.” That’s the truth. That’s what I admitted to myself long ago. “And then … I think a part of me was hoping that you’d break up with me, so I didn’t have to do it. Staying with you was safe, you know?” That’s also the truth. That’s what it took me way longer to admit to myself. “Nothing serious would ever come of it and I could pretend I wasn’t in love with Leonie.” I have to smile again, at that. It’s the first time I’m saying it out loud. I didn’t know that could feel so nice.

“So you’re dating now?” Matteo wants to know.

I shrug, like he does most of the time. (I learned that from him.) “I don’t know,” I answer. “We’ll have to figure it out, I guess. I mean, she likes me too, so I think …” I almost don’t let myself think it. There’s so much to figure out still. But Leonie is waiting for me in our room and she kissed me before Christmas break and then she did it again after. “We’ll probably date, yes.”

Matteo looks at me in a way he’s rarely done. Like he wants to see me. “I’m happy for you,” he says.

“Thank you.” I smile at him. Somehow, I think he truly means it. “I hope you find someone like that too.” I truly mean it too.

Matteo hesitates, like he wants to tell me more. Like maybe he’s found someone already and he’s about to tell me. But then all he says is, “I have to go do something.” With that, he’s gone.

…

“How did it go?” Leonie asks breathlessly when I return.

“Good,” I laugh. “Really good. He actually wanted to break up with me too.”

Leonie raises her eyebrows. “Did he tell you why?”

I smile at her and shake my head. That’s not my secret to tell. And besides, now is not the time for secrets. I still haven’t told Leonie about my dad. I will, though. I just need some time. There’s more pressing matters on my mind right now.

“What happens now?” I ask her nervously. This is _not_ what I prepared myself for. Being by Matteo’s side, supporting him through being the Chosen One, staying in his shadow for the rest of my life. That’s what I was prepared for. Not falling for my best friend, who’s a girl on top of everything. I don’t even know how I’ll start explaining this to my family.

Leonie smiles at me. “What do you want to happen now?”

I look at her, her clear blue eyes and her set jaw, so proud and certain of herself. So beautiful. I’ve wanted her for so long and I didn’t even know. But I can have this. I can have all of this now.

“I want to be with you,” I tell her. Her smile grows wider.

“That’s good,” she says.

“It is?” I ask her.

“Yes. Because that’s exactly what I want as well.” She looks into my eyes and my heart skips a bit, like it does every time. Like it’s done for months. I’ve just ignored it because it confused me and I was afraid of it. But I’m not afraid anymore. I could never be afraid of this. Of holding Leonie in my arms and kissing her and the smell of violets in my nose. It feels so _right_.


End file.
